As a dedicated member of the United States, I have done a lot of research into the current slate of contestants on the The Price of Getting Me into Office. I have watched the debates, but also looked at voting records, histories of alliances, and the multitude of our candidates’ actions that speak much louder than words.
In short, I have done my homework. And in doing my homework, I would like to offer to the American public my own recommendation for the 2016 presidency:
We should vote a kindergarten teacher into the White House.
Now, I know you’re all thinking now, how obvious. But let me break this down for anyone who might be confused, or have just woken up from a nap.
Why vote for a kindergarten teacher?
Well, I feel it’s safe to say that kindergarten teachers probably deal with a slightly higher percentage of the ridiculous than the rest of us. And as we all know, dealing with the ridiculous is a necessity for anyone embarking on the political arena. See, kindergarten teachers are experienced in teaching far more than ABCs, 123s, and how to resist the temptation to eat glue. Kindergarten is really the gateway to functioning amongst peers, the bridge to operating with some sense of normalcy in society, and the foundation of learning basic manners.
Let’s be real, and to the point.
Kindergarten teachers are benevolent overlords of chaos.
They come fully loaded with strategies for maintaining peace, as if their job depended on it. They are highly skilled in diplomacy, settling more disputes in a week than a Secretary of State may achieve in one term. They daily meet a variety of needs for a variety of people, often while singing songs and teaching them to color, and I have yet to find a president who can boast in accomplishing such a task. They have a proven record in dealing with cranky people, and have no issue in discerning when the best solution to an overwhelming problem is to tell everybody to just go take a nap. Their everything-is-okay poker face is legendary.
I can personally say that I would feel safe and empowered under the care of a presidential kindergarten teacher. And I wouldn’t fight the push for more nap times and excessive uses of glitter when I file my taxes.
Today’s musing was really brought on by observing the current political hullapalooza. I’m unsure most days if I’m actually watching our political system in action or a really elaborate and expensive reality TV show that I keep praying would get cancelled. And because sometimes when I listen to and watch the debates of candidates that want me to trust them to lead my country, I stop and wonder – what would these people be like if they were all in kindergarten again? Who would be sent to the principal’s office before morning calendar? Who would make friends easily and always want to help the teacher? Whose parents would the teacher be calling every night? And how quickly could our hero, the teacher, whip all the candidates into shape?
I know you’re all nodding and thinking, that teacher would have them all singing Kum-ba-ya by lunch time. And you’d be right.
Now just imagine what they could do with four years.